Wednesday, August 6

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I wasn't going to post this and then decided otherwise. Anyone who knows me in real life, will undoubtedly tell you that I have the gift of gab. Most days I can talk enough for six people. One thing I don't talk about often is my deep deep fear of losing my only child and the light of my life to something of which I have no control and despise and dread with all that I am. I mask my insecurities and deep seated fears with jokes and downright idiotic behavior.

I recently relieved some of this in my Relay for Life post and it felt downright heavenly to finally get some of this off my chest. Because, you see, my chest isn't all that big to begin with and the extra weight is suffocating me!

Normally when Spencer has a scan or test coming up, I become a nervous wreck and lose the little sleep I do get (I'm an insomniac) and become air headed to the fifth degree. Those around me see a dough headed goofball and wonder what I took on my lunch break. Some even ask me to share. I don't, however, talk about it or let many know he has a scan. This is my precious boy here and besides, who wants be looked at with sympathy or called "that mom who's kid had cancer". I cannot handle people feeling sorry for me in any way. I have so much to be thankful for and refuse to look at it any other way. Then, there are those misguided and judgemental souls who think I am actually LOOKING for pity and using my child to get it.

Here, though, while my readers may be few, I feel so much companionship and honest caring. I don't mind coming here and letting you all know that Spencer has an MRI tomorrow and I am scared stiff. In case you didn't read this post about Spencer's recently found brain condition, he may have what's called acqueductal stenosis. Basically the fourth lobe of his brain, behind his right ear, is very large and is pushing his spinal cord slightly forward. This MRI is a six month checkup to see if it has changed. Right now, thank the Lord, he is not affected by it and it's a watch and see situation. I am hopeful tomorrow I will be told the same.

I do have to mention that my lifeline through all of this is my sister, Tanya. I know she loves Spencer like her own and having lost a child herself to cancer, I could not have a better listener or shoulder to cry on. I seriously have no idea what I would do without her unwavering support. She is one in a million and God gave her to ME for a sister!

We accept all prayers and good thoughts. Thank you for caring!

An old but cute picture of Spencer riding his first big wheel (**gasp**) in the kitchen.


Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Spencer. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met, but I'm here for you if you need me.

Love ya

Mattie said...

I pray every night for Spencer and will say an extra prayer for his scan.Please know I Love you guys and am here for you.

Brandy said...

Thank you so much for sharing this info! My thoughts and prayers are with you, John and Spencer. While I have no idea what it feels like to be in your position, I can only imagine how difficult it is. A very close friend of mine was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer at age 30. And even though she's surpassed 10 years of being cancer free, every single time she has a scan, she gets very upset. She now has 3 kids under the age of 5 and she's scared to death her cancer will return and she'll leave her babies without a Mommy.

Anyway, got sidetracked...sorry. :P

Many thoughts and prayers for Spencer and his scan. How long does it typically take to get results back?

Tanya said...

You are so nice to say that. I wish I could be there more. You carry so much on your shoulders.

I can't tell you how relieved I am that things are still ok. One day at a time...that's what life is all about! See you Saturday!

Sheri said...

Pam, I may be strong (probably just stubborn) but I need and cherish friends like you!

Aunt Mattie, thank you for loving us. I miss you!

Brandy, my heart goes out to your friend. I hope that she stays cancer free and can see her babies grow up and grow old!

The results usually take a couple of hours minimum but due to Spencer's terrible dislike of anything hospital/clinic, they get them ASAP. I can't say enough good things about our medical center here.

Tanya, you are so special to us. Can't wait to see you!

Razor Family Farms said...


I'm so sorry that I haven't been here for you the last few days. I've been canning and soaping and making late night posts. I'm so sorry not to have told you how I am praying for you and Spencer every day before the testing. I hope that you can feel those prayers and the love that I am sending your way.

When I think of you, I always think of such an amazing mom, friend, and woman. Your love for Spencer is so pure and steadfast that it comes through in every post, word, and picture. It is little wonder that Spencer is so trusting and never doubts your love even when the testing is difficult. How could he? He certainly must be aware that he is the center of your universe.

Thank you so much for including us on your journey and trusting us with your fears. I can only imagine how terrifying it is in the days and hours before the scans and results. Please know that you are never alone. I feel so much love for you and your beautiful son and sincerely hope that you can cloak yourself in that during those times.

Thinking of you.


Sheri said...

Lacy, you are truly a sweetheart! You have such a way with words, no wonder you are/have been published.

Thank you so very much!