The Hole in My Heart

I have a hole in my heart that will never heal. A hole that reminds me at many turns of the very special little boy who's smile used to light my day. It has been three years ago today since I have seen that little boy, since I have heard his voice or felt his arms around me giving me a hug.

Three years ago today that my sister Tanya's oldest son, my very first nephew, went with the Lord and left many behind to mourn the empty space in our lives that he once filled. Colin fought bravely and with all he had but cancer takes precious loved ones without regret or sympathy.

My fascination and great love for Colin started when my sister honored me by asking me to be with her in the delivery room. I loved my little alien, blond haired, red faced nephew immediately and that love and bond only grew as he did. I miss him so very much and still look for him when I visit my sister's house. I think of him every day and talk to him every night before I fall asleep. It has become a habit for me to tell him about my day and let him know how much I miss him.

I keep Christmas cards that Tanya sent when Colin was still here because her family will always be the best family of FOUR that I know. To see his name with theirs is only right and natural. I have many things Colin gave Spencer that I have stored in Spencer's closet, waiting and hoping some day he will understand what these gifts mean. I have pencil boxes and notebooks full of Colin's art that mean more to me than the Holy Grail. He was always giving Spencer and I gifts. He loved to make people happy. A hero with a heart of gold...

I take comfort in knowing that Colin is feeling no more pain and that someday in the not so distant future, I will be with him again, in whatever form and it will be like we were never apart.

Please light a candle tonight in honor of one brave and very missed little man, who's place in my heart still holds his laughter and kindness close and who's love has changed me forever.

Brothers