Melancholy

I sit here practically in tears. When did I become such a cream puff? I really am not a crier nor much of a person who finds empathy in her heart often. This used to bother me and I would wonder why I was a cold person. As time went by, I realized I just don't react as others may with terms of endearment or displays of tears or in some cases screams and tantrums. I am me. I do things at a slower more moderate rate and that is ok. I hold things in for a bit and process them on my own to deal with later. Sometimes much later.

So why I sit here so sad is new and foreign to me. I keep thinking what is wrong with me today? I am forlorn and reflecting. Have I maybe finally grown up a little? Why? How? Who did this to me? Can I take a pill to get rid of it quickly?

My brother, Chris, and his wife, Michelle along with my sweet and beautiful niece spent the weekend with Spencer and I. I have blogged about Chris joining the Army and how proud of him I was and am. The weekend went much much too fast because it was one of the best times I have had in a long time.

Chris went and grew up on me! Ok, he is 26, but still will forever be my "little" brother. He has always been a natural comedian and an attractor of many friends. This has not changed. What has is his sense of character, his responsible attitude towards life, his quiet confidence in himself and the love of his new wife. He is an amazing daddy and his pride for his daughter shows in every smile he bestows on her. His wife is his motivational support and allows Chris what he needs to not only be himself but keeps him grounded and focused. I had the opportunity to get to know Michelle a bit more and believe in time, Michelle and I will be very good friends.

We talked for hours, went to the pet store and oohed and aahed, played a really fun game called Munchkin, you must try this game, and Chris and I searched for frogs in the backyard (he loves frogs also and used to catch and raise them). Abby be bopped around the house (she is 1) and yelled at us in her adorable deep voice when she wanted attention. I think she speaks the same foreign language that Spencer speaks and possibly was even swearing at us!

So why am I sad? Partially because over the last few years, life has gotten in the way and Chris and I haven't seen much of each other. Partially because I think Michelle and I have much in common and could spend a lot of time together with our wee ones hanging off our knees. Mostly because of the lost time we haven't, as siblings, taken to get to know one another as adults and in a few weeks, Chris will be deployed to Germany for 3 years, with a tour in Iraq possibly starting in November.

I am thinking that once in a while, life needs to take a backseat and we/I need to stop and talk to the ones that mean the most to me/us. I don't have many regrets in life. I just don't allow them to happen, simple as that. I am finding now, I do have some, I haven't been aware of them is all...

Have any of you ever felt this way? I am sure I will be better tomorrow. In fact, I feel better just typing this out.

John is in PA for a work trip and took my camera, so I have no pictures of this weekend's fun to show you. I have these super cute pictures of Chris as a child instead. I love this brother of mine!