Wednesday, July 30

Looking Back

I must break down and admit that while my sweet little niece Abigail was here this last weekend, I experienced a small twinge of baby fever. I have always loved children and imagined myself with as many as four young ones running around underfoot in a house full of chaos and laughter. I have extreme patience with children where I often have none with adults. They never cease to fill me with wonder and awe with their innocence and ability to make you forget the rat race outside your door.

Will I be able to give Spencer the time and energy he will need as a special needs child if another child, a baby, needs some of that attention too? How will we afford another child when I feel a terrible guilt now that my boy has to go to daycare every day? Will I love this new child as much as I love Spencer (being my firstborn and the love of my live)? If not, would it show? So many questions enter my mind. Questions that when you get right down to it, really are necessary but irrelevant when you are talking about a child. I would think that the many rewards of having another child certainly outweigh the questions above tenfold. No greater gift has God given us than the love of a child for you to nurture and love back.

I took a walk down memory lane and scanned some pictures of my sweet baby Spencer. These are some of my favorites taken before he was diagnosed with cancer and life was a little simpler for him.
This horrible polaroid of Spencer,taken maybe an hour after he was born, got me through the night after his birth. After they gave me something to help me sleep and wheeled my boy into the nursery, I slept with this photo in my hands. I would wake up every half an hour or so and just stare at it, making sure this wasn't a dream. Immense relief and more sleep would follow.

Three generations: Myself, Spencer and my dad.


Razor Family Farms said...

Sheri, I have to tell you that there is no such thing as a "small tinge of baby fever" and because you are a mom with SO much love in your heart to give... well I can only imagine.

I have no doubts that you could make it work with another baby. Somehow, we always find a way to provide for our babies. Actually, I was just discussing this last night with my dear friend in Washington, Deborah, who just had her eleventh child. No, I'm not making it up. She is a GOOD Catholic!

As a military wife to an enlisted man, she knows the ins and outs of raising children on a tight budget and I can tell you that her children are some of the healthiest & happiest children I've ever known. There is so much love in that house that you can feel it from two streets down (usually because they are rounding the corner on a daily walk with the babies in a bright red wagon and older kids skipping and smiling). She firmly believes that most children need siblings to grow up beside. It teaches them conflict resolution, parenting, and social skills from day one.

You are already such an amazing mom and you have more than enough love in your heart for a new child. Way more.

Yes! More babies! That's my vote!

I also wanted to thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement about our upcoming adoption. I cried when I read them and was so glad that I have such a terrific friend and parent support system in you!


Brandy said...

I really loved reading this post because I've had the same baby fever as well. Unfortunately for me, there will be no more babies for me (at least biologically).

I can guarantee you that you would love another child as much as Spencer...somehow you just do. Heck, I even had 2 more babies and love them just as much as I love Nate. You figure out the financial stuff as you go along and you make do.

Love all the photos! I love looking back at photos from when Nate was a baby. There's always a tinge of sadness as I realize how simple life was then...before specialists, EEGs, MRIs, Early Intervention, etc. But he wouldn't be the Natey he is today if we hadn't gone through everything.

Razor Family Farms said...

I also wanted to let you know that you can enter to win a free subscription to GRIT magazine right now.. Go to the contests tab on my site.

mattie said...

yes yes yes I vote for another baby.I think Spencer would love a brother or sister.I think if at all possible everyone should have a sibling.Love ya

Sheri said...

What a great support group I have here! I love reading your comments and kept shaking my head, yes, yes! I will keep in mind all you have said, because it does make sense and I have to agree that if possible each child should have a sibling or two, or!