I must break down and admit that while my sweet little niece Abigail was here this last weekend, I experienced a small twinge of baby fever. I have always loved children and imagined myself with as many as four young ones running around underfoot in a house full of chaos and laughter. I have extreme patience with children where I often have none with adults. They never cease to fill me with wonder and awe with their innocence and ability to make you forget the rat race outside your door.
Will I be able to give Spencer the time and energy he will need as a special needs child if another child, a baby, needs some of that attention too? How will we afford another child when I feel a terrible guilt now that my boy has to go to daycare every day? Will I love this new child as much as I love Spencer (being my firstborn and the love of my live)? If not, would it show? So many questions enter my mind. Questions that when you get right down to it, really are necessary but irrelevant when you are talking about a child. I would think that the many rewards of having another child certainly outweigh the questions above tenfold. No greater gift has God given us than the love of a child for you to nurture and love back.
I took a walk down memory lane and scanned some pictures of my sweet baby Spencer. These are some of my favorites taken before he was diagnosed with cancer and life was a little simpler for him.
This horrible polaroid of Spencer,taken maybe an hour after he was born, got me through the night after his birth. After they gave me something to help me sleep and wheeled my boy into the nursery, I slept with this photo in my hands. I would wake up every half an hour or so and just stare at it, making sure this wasn't a dream. Immense relief and more sleep would follow.
Three generations: Myself, Spencer and my dad.