Spencer's Six Month Cancer Check

He is clear again of all cancer! He had his blood work done and an ultrasound, both showing no signs of illness or irregularities. Life can now resume for me and I can breath a little freer and think a little clearer. It has been 4.5 years since he went off the I.V. chemotherapy and 4 years from the pill form of chemo he had been taking. My little miracle continues to baffle doctors and make his mother run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Ahhh, life is good.

The pictures below were taken in October but I thought they were cute since Spencer won't normally tolerate these types of rides. He rode on two this time. Pictures were also snapped with John's cell phone, so the quality could be better.

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

I do not like being a dough head. I usually don't add this to my list of qualities when turning in my resume. Lately, I have been feeling this way much too often for my comfort zone and was hoping my fellow bloggers, family and friends could enlighten me.

I am feeling terribly overwhelmed and ignorant about Spencer attending school in the next few weeks. I have received a few letters from the traditional kindergarten teacher, welcoming Spencer to her class. Well, Spencer will not be attending her class per se, he will be in the cognitively impaired classroom full time. Is this just a formality? Also, there is an online list of school supplies for each classroom. Kindergarten is listed and then cognitive disabilities for 4-6 grade. Which list is for Spencer? Open House/registration is dated but not next to cognitively disabled. Do we attend?

I feel so out of my depth, so I emailed Spencer's ld teacher from the school website asking these questions and apologizing for my ignorance. I have only met her once, this last spring, when evaluating Spencer for the ld room and if we and the teacher thought he would be a good fit. I instantly liked her and she said Spencer would be a perfect fit for her room. That is the last I have heard from her and wonder if I should have done or should be doing more. I realize this is "real" school and not the Early Childhood program where much hand holding was done with parents. Am I overreacting? You can tell me, I don't mind. It might be just what I need to hear. Overprotective parent, maybe? I am slightly, ok a lot, OCD; is this a factor? Oh, heck, Jesus take me now!!!

Also Spencer just had an MRI, goes for a consultation with his neurosurgeon this next Monday, I will explain more later, has therapy (which I need to take off work for) every Wednesday morning, has an eye appointment the second day of school and needs a physical by a certain date. Calgon!!!

Welcome to not only being a parent of a school age child but a special needs one. Is this overwhelming panic typical and will it become less overbearing as I get used to it? Do I need a large and herbal smelling chill pill?

Please advise...


At the times when I feel like I am drowning in life, I look at pictures of my three heroes. Left, my gone but not forgotten nephew, Colin, center, Spencer and right, my nephew Sam. This was taken Christmas morning in 2003. Three little boys with more on their shoulders than ever should be. Makes my whining seem petty and then I stop!

Today's Results

We left bright and early this morning, me a bundle of nerves and Spencer just happy he didn't have daycare.



Even though Spencer devised plans (here he is in the examining room) to get out of his testing, he had a long day. We went in at 7:45 and got home about 3:30. Spencer did not cooperate well with the nurses but after all he has been through, I never judge him harshly for his reactions.


Here he is with me holding him in a recliner. He has had his full dose of Chloral Hydrate, a sedative, and is refusing to fall asleep. You can tell by his eyes that he is completely zoned out but sleep he did not.

Finally after about an hour and a half, he fell asleep. Yeah! I snuck a picture of him wrapped up on the bed before he was wheeled down to MRI.

Took the opportunity to snap a foot picture. I love this kid's cute feet.

Spencer woke up on the MRI table and was given a dose of Versed, another sedative to help keep him calm and relaxed. This did not work well and he continued to try to get off the table. The nurse had to call in a sedation doctor and my sweetie had to be given a deep sedative to completely knock him out. Because he had the other sedatives in him already, the sedation doctor stayed with him during the MRI. He was given Propofol and was out in less than 30 seconds. Finally! He has gotten too big for the other sedatives and we found out the hard way. Actually other than the IV and of course possible side affects (which he had none), the deep sedation would be preferable and much quicker. He will have this from now on unless he comes to understand the scans and will lay nicely by himself (I don't see this happening any time soon).

Results: Nothing has changed!!!!!! The lobe of his brain that is enlarged has not grown. They did see however that it also is not being used because he has no brain fluid flowing into that area due to it's size. We will now meet with his neurosurgeon to see what can or should be done, if anything. Overall, this is all we could ask for and after we came home and pigged out on some pizza, I took a nap and Spencer watched some movies, I realized, not for the first time, that small miracles happen in my life every day! Heck, one of them is snuggled up on his bed right now, happy to be home. (NOTE: Spencer's love and trust for me is amazing. I am always afraid that after I hold him down for some of these things and "allow" nurses and doctors to do their various tests, that he will be afraid of me or not trust me. He never shows anything other than his deep love and trust of me and I am so grateful at the end of days like to today, that he takes my hand and wants to still come home with me.)

This is Spencer's favorite nurse, Julie. This lady is one of earth's angels. She never fails to tell Spencer how much she loves him and how handsome he is. She cried one time when she hurt Spencer's arm trying to put an IV in. She is one special lady to us.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I wasn't going to post this and then decided otherwise. Anyone who knows me in real life, will undoubtedly tell you that I have the gift of gab. Most days I can talk enough for six people. One thing I don't talk about often is my deep deep fear of losing my only child and the light of my life to something of which I have no control and despise and dread with all that I am. I mask my insecurities and deep seated fears with jokes and downright idiotic behavior.

I recently relieved some of this in my Relay for Life post and it felt downright heavenly to finally get some of this off my chest. Because, you see, my chest isn't all that big to begin with and the extra weight is suffocating me!

Normally when Spencer has a scan or test coming up, I become a nervous wreck and lose the little sleep I do get (I'm an insomniac) and become air headed to the fifth degree. Those around me see a dough headed goofball and wonder what I took on my lunch break. Some even ask me to share. I don't, however, talk about it or let many know he has a scan. This is my precious boy here and besides, who wants be looked at with sympathy or called "that mom who's kid had cancer". I cannot handle people feeling sorry for me in any way. I have so much to be thankful for and refuse to look at it any other way. Then, there are those misguided and judgemental souls who think I am actually LOOKING for pity and using my child to get it.

Here, though, while my readers may be few, I feel so much companionship and honest caring. I don't mind coming here and letting you all know that Spencer has an MRI tomorrow and I am scared stiff. In case you didn't read this post about Spencer's recently found brain condition, he may have what's called acqueductal stenosis. Basically the fourth lobe of his brain, behind his right ear, is very large and is pushing his spinal cord slightly forward. This MRI is a six month checkup to see if it has changed. Right now, thank the Lord, he is not affected by it and it's a watch and see situation. I am hopeful tomorrow I will be told the same.

I do have to mention that my lifeline through all of this is my sister, Tanya. I know she loves Spencer like her own and having lost a child herself to cancer, I could not have a better listener or shoulder to cry on. I seriously have no idea what I would do without her unwavering support. She is one in a million and God gave her to ME for a sister!

We accept all prayers and good thoughts. Thank you for caring!


An old but cute picture of Spencer riding his first big wheel (**gasp**) in the kitchen.